The worst part of this is the detachment.
I know I need to face what’s inside my head and pull myself out. I know I need to come to reality with my fears of being hurt, touched, and even loved. I have to
stop my body from breaking out in hives every day and I must stop the nightmares and forgive myself for what I allowed to happen to me.
I’m really scared though.
Especially of being without him, I know it’s for the best because holding onto him can change my personal
Outcome and allow me to hold back. I especially must detach so I stop blending him into the nightmares inside my head. I never want him to be apart of it, he’s to good a part of my life to be apart of the worst part of my life.
I will miss him though, so much. This is hard and horrifying but at least he understands I’m not leaving because i don’t love him or because I’m
Scared, I’m leaving because I need to.
I do love him.
Time for sleep now, hopefully since my best friend is with me now in this room
I’ll actually rest.
Good night everyone.